BobAndTiff.com

I know we’ve been quiet - I hope to change that. I thought I would share the “vice presidents” letter I did for our August newsletter! My little girl is soooo cute (and wise).

Hello MOM’s,

I’ve been trying to cook the perfect asparagus for 10 years – it’s one of my husband’s favorites - but I never seem to get it right. The other night was no different – the phone rang – I got distracted – and boom – green mushy mush!

It had been a hard day – and I said out loud (with much frustration) “Uggghhhh – why can’t I get anything right?!!?!”

My 3 year old little girl, who was standing there, looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said:

“Be nice to my mommy.”

Wow.

It hit me - having twins definitely means double the work – and part of the work I put in sometimes is being twice as hard on myself!

I require that the kids are nice to each other, nice to themselves – but, my daughter pointed out, I’m not always nice to me. I focus on the fact that I have probably only put the laundry away 3 times in 3 years. I’m always overcooking food. My house is a mess, my office a disaster, and I lose my patience, my temper, and sometimes my sanity around the people who least deserve it.

I’m my own worst critic.

I know I’m not alone. Almost every parent I have ever talked to seems to see themselves far more critically than logic allows.

Why aren’t we always nice to ourselves? To the outside world – each of have taken on a challenge greater than most would even dare to imagine…being parents of multiples! Doesn’t that alone warrant a well deserved pat on the back? Instead, (and I’ll speak for myself) I get caught up in the self defeating downward spiral of not being nice to myself.

So – I was thinking – let’s take a clue from a three year old. Let’s try being nice to ourselves.

Sure, the laundry doesn’t get folded and put away…but it is (generally) CLEAN. And the 10 years of overcooked asparagus – well, at least I keep trying…at least I’m cooking. A clean house all the time, is that even a realistic goal, especially when they have yet to make the perfect sippy cup?

And losing my mind, well, if I’m honest – I’m not sure that I’ve ever been 100% sane.

Let’s be nice to ourselves - and as a club, as a group, perhaps we can help each other. Let’s help by pointing out all the amazing things others are doing because of the the people in the world we know how tough it can be to get anything done sometimes. Let’s say to each other “thank you”, “great job”, and “wow – your hair looks…ummm…brushed!”(That last one is for me!).

As a club - let’s be the last people to ever point out the negative or the mistakes – because we know that we’re tough enough on ourselves – we don’t need help.

Let us be that positive support, that place of encouragement that will allow each of us to be the best parents we can be. Let’s be each other’s biggest cheerleaders.

We can do it for ourselves – and we can do it for each other.

Let’s be nice to our mommies.

Tiffaney

PS – And if someone could help me figure out the asparagus thing - that would be great!

I have a lot to post - vacation, sports/dance class, now swimming classes - but something cute happened today that I had to share.

Cambria & Nicholas are in swimming class every day with a nice teacher named Joshua…but alas, Cambria has decided to be “shy” with him and won’t go to him in the pool.

Today I was trying to help her with this - I talked about how nice Joshua is, what a good teacher he is, how Nicholas likes him…

Cambria: But he is a boy.
Me: Well, yes, Joshua is a boy and a teacher.
Cambria: But I am shy around boys (me - fighting back the desire to just encourage this until she’s 35)
Me: That’s true. Mark is a boy and you went in the swimming pool with him on vacation.
Cambria: Yes, But I like Mark so I am not so much shy with him anymore.

Cute.

I woke up the first morning of vacation with a big problem - there was no coffee! So - I grabbed my purse and headed out…with Cambria who insisted on coming.

We got my coffee, feeling better, we were heading back. I looked out the window and said:

“Cambria - look outside, there are white caps on the water”

“What???” Cambria said, looking outiside.

“White Caps”, I said -”You have to tell daddy there are white caps in the water, he’ll be so happy”.

“OK…” Cambria said….

So we get back to the vacation house and I remind her to tell daddy.

So Cambria says:

“Daddy, there are white kitty cats in the water”.

The kids have been doing well going to bed while listening to a book on their I-Pod (thank you Westi for this great idea)>

Anyway - about half an hour after I shut their door - I hear tiny footsteps running towards my room and my little girl was standing there.

She said “I don’t have anyone to cuddle me”

Me: “You don’t have anyone to cuddle you?”

Cambria: “I want you to cuddle me Mommy”

Now how in the world can I resist that??!!!

.
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Nicholas said “Daddy, I have a secret to tell you”

Dad: OK

Nicholas “Lean over here and I’ll whisper in your ear.

Whispering….

Mom: What did he say?

Daddy and Nicholas have smiles on their faces.

Mom: What is it?

Cambria: Nicholas said that Maddy is coming over tomorrow to play with us.

And Nicholas started giggling.

It wasn’t long after I met him that I knew Bob would be an amazing father. It was a date at Shoreline, we were having lunch and Bob kept looking over and smiling at another girl…she was about 3.

Then meeting his family - all those nieces and nephews, and seeing how great he was with them - how much they loved him - how, even though he is super tall - he would get down and play with them.

And then my nieces and nephews - here it got a little tricky because I was used to being “the favorite” - and realizing I would either have to share the title or give it up all together because he just has that way with kids (I decided to share).

And then when our own little girl was born - and he cried the happiest tears I have ever seen…so overwhelmed with emotion that I fell in love with him all over again. And then our son (37 minutes later) his smile so amazingly big and just this look of pride and happiness…and completeness…seeing him at the very moment he recognized all his dreams had come true…complete and total joy.

It’s been 12 years since my first “glimpse” of what he might be like a dad - and 3 1/2 years of seeing him be one. And I am continually in awe of this man…this father. His kindness, his energy, his patience, his ability to listen, and laugh, and play and try. His willingness to pitch in and really be a parent. The way he comes home, after working 12+ hours and finds the energy to pretend to look for us as we play hide and seek…pretends because we are hiding in the same place almost every night.

The way he takes both of them for a few hours on the weekend to give me a little breathing space - doing those adventurous things I’m too scared to try on my own. How when one of them are sick - he holds them and makes them feel better. The way he will just lay and cuddle on the couch with them, reading them a book, talking.

Seeing him in this role - seeing this man that I love so incredibly much be a father….it’s who and what he was always meant to be.

Knowing that he is the father to OUR children….knowing, without a doubt, that there is not a better man or a better father in the world…knowing they are the luckiest children in all the world because they have him as their father. Well, I’m just overwhelmed every single day with how great their lives are…how great their lives always will be…because he is their father.

There is so much…those “glimpses” years ago were just that - glimpses. The reality literally takes my breath away.

I was getting the kids dressed and Nicholas said, “Where are we going?”

I said “Nowhere”

He said “I want to go to Yeahwhere”

Funny!

And the quote from Nicholas is:

“Hey mom, I have a BIG penis”.

(me - laughing) “Ummm, why are you thinking about that right now”

“Because it’s true - I have a BIG penis”.

Grandma took the kids for the day - a blessed break for mom (me).

One of the things she did with them was to take them to one of her favorite places…the fabric store…for over an hour!

They kept one hand on the cart the whole time, except when they patiently sat on the floor next to the cutting table. Grandma, of course, gave them a treat (M&M’s) and then delighted over their discussion with each other about picking up the wrapper so it didn’t “hurt the ocean”.

A lady stopped my mom at the door and said “You’ve been here over an hour - and I just want you to know that these are the most well behaved kids I have ever seen.” and with a grandma’s pride - she (of course) fully agreed.

And then the lady said “will you make sure to tell their mom?”

And grandma did.

I love you little ones.

Would I do without my mom?

Every time I’m feeling like I’m one tiny step away from going over the edge - mom flies in like the superhero she is and saves me…well - not just me - all of us.

I love you mom.